An unforgettable humiliated day

becos i was so freaking worried tat i couldnt sleep well last night. The fear of contracting any possible STDs or HIV kept me troubled.. i am scare.. and i keep thinking of the worst situation.. what should i do if im tested hiv positive.. how am i gg to continue with my life and what should i do.. i keep googling to find out more to see anyone trapped in similar situations as me. Finally i decided, fark this shit, im gg to be brave walk into the clinic and get myself tested for HIV

so i searched various clinics and decided to quickly visit the nearest clinic at Tanjong Pagar. i was so afraid that i didnt even dare to tell the nurse at the counter tat i wanted to get the annomous rapid hiv testing.. so i ended up registered my personal particulars with them. as i walked into the doctor's room and the faint voice came out from me.. "im actually here to get myself tested for HIV" i could see the strong stare from the doctor. He tried to hold back and started asking questions like "why do u wanted to get hiv testing?" "when was the last time you had sex?" "how often did u have sex with him" "isit protected sex all the time?"

at that moment i felt so humiliated and stupid at the same time.. why did i trusted this man so much that im willing to do unprotected sex with him.. what is exactly wrong with me? i really wanted to give myself a few slaps!! i have been so stupid.. the doc was shaking his head when i said we always had unprotected sex.. then he asked if i know what he did with those prosetitutes.. i almost cried becos i dont know anything and i was so scared.. the doc then suggested tat hiv testing might not be sufficient for me and suggested that i visit the DCS STD centre to do a more detailed full HIV and STD checks.. which will include tons of examinations such as oral swap, varginal swap, gential examination, pap smear and a counselling session too

the experience was horrendous.. i had to endure the pain of drawing blood for test.. i had to endure the longest 20mins wait in my life just to get back into the room for my testing results. I hesitated to open the room door afraid to hear my worst fear.. but very fortunately i was tested negative! however as there is a 3mths window period.. i will have to do a confirmation test 3mths later to affirm the results. i breathed out loud, a sign of relief and thanks god! but now i have to endure the wait till month end for the STD appointment.. im angry at myself and at him for causing all these.. all the pain  humilitation and fear that i have to go through ALONE.. i dont think i will ever forget wad happened today..