mourning for my loss

woah its 12:12AM on a 20Sept2013 night.. i wanted to blog since days ago.. but too many things going through and too many thoughts on my mind..

DJ is leaving.. in less than 2weeks time.. i knew that this day will come soon.. but it still seems so fast that Im feeling so upset, lonely and worried.. i havent experience my workload being too overwhelming or being approached a btr opportunity to move.. but losing my colleagues who are also my frens, its does hurt me.. i dont know why.. but i felt like crying out when i heard the news but yet controlling my tears.. becos they leaving for their own good.. its not a sad thing that i should cry about.. i should have a big smile on my face and congrats them wishing them all the best.. ya.. but deep down, im losing them.. someone who will share my bitchy mood, someone who will laugh at my jokes, someone who will be just beside me when Im frustrated, someone who will feel unjust for me when Im being abused at work.. yes, these are my frens.. and they are moving on soon..

apart from this emptiness, the next qns is wads left in the team.. to be honest, i really cant quit without an offer as i have a huge liability.. i need to work hard and also look for jobs.. not to screw up both sides.. its tough.. just when i tot if i look for a job very aggressively, there shouldnt be a problem. but the thing is, wad do i want to do.. there are a lot of roles which I would like to give it a try.. but so wad, times like tis, pple are not willing to offer mid level with no previous experience.. its jus so tough for me to find another job.. i dont want to go back into the FI RM space if I can choose.. building the skill or knowledge in another area then it will help to bring up the value of being a FI RM in 5years time. Be it product or risk.. it has to be another skill set which is valuable to the role of a RM..

i hope Oct 2013 will arrive slowly as I'm cherishing the remaining time with tammy and DJ still being in the team.. if only, time can turn back and I will choose a lot different things..