A day to remember

It has been a long while since i pen any of my thoughts..

The new work life in the new place has been great so far. Definately a good boss motivates you more in work. But of course, flexibility and adaptability is still the key to success. Processes, systems and mindset are very much different. Keeping an open mind to learn is important. Get to know a few good frens but definately the fun is much lesser as compared to the old place. Sometimes i still think of the good old days when we drink and have fun after work

Attended rob and wh wedding today. Sometimes i wonder when will be mine big day.. but today i finally get to hear his thoughts.. not a response that i have expected.. "im just not ready yet"

Heart sank and i tried hard to control my tears.. maybe becos theres definately not wad i expected.. he clearly knows wad i wan.. but does he care?

4yrs ago when we just got together.. he is already aware.. the age gap.. and you dont expect me to wait till 30+ to think about marriage.. i rem clearly he said several times.. if he can, he cant wait for us to get marry after his graduation.. empty promises as usual i guess

If u think you are not ready now.. then when and how long do you think you will be ready.. do you think that it is fair to keep me waiting wondering and not knowing when you are ready.. something that even yourself wont be able to know but you want me to keep just thinking and waiting patiently..

Each time i mentioned about this subject, it will also either be silence or no response.. and you think this is fair and healthy to the relationship?

4yrs together and you are still not ready yet.. so u think next yr u will be ready? The year aftee? What exactly is missing that you are not ready? Do you even know?

Laying out all these and think again, why should we continue the relationship? This is such a common issue for couple who break up.. becos we are moving towards a different want and goal in life.. should i even continue moving on this road where i not sure how long till i see the next traffic light or what is the distance ahead? Like running a marathon but not knowing how long more to the end of the race? Tats the kind of feelings im in! Do you even understand?

Each time i am sad with all these.. alone..
Each time i am disappointed with all these.. alone..
Each time i am anticipating and illucinating our future.. alone..
Honestly, im tired having all these thoughts alone..! I think it is really time that i should make myself happier.. live a life tat i wan and be with someone who actually cherish and love me and want me being part of their life..