slowly.. i realised each day im dragging my feet to work.. idk why.. just lost the passion which i used to have.. keep solving recurring issues.. i'm not learning and neither do i know where to start learning..

this week gonna have the compen news out for 2012 performance.. kinda of worried.. cos when years are gd and i outperformed.. i'm not compensated well.. so last yr was a pretty badly performed year, revs down like crazy.. so why still expect gd compen.. well, it just human's nature right.. u work hard and somehow, you want to be paid well lah..

after 4yrs.. i still dont know wad i wanna do.. i dont think i love being a RM.. also, not in Citi.. i kinda of hate Citi actually!! not taking care of pple welfare.. neither do they treasure talent or pple.. paying the bunch of MAs so well-off but their qualities are so below par.. ya lah, i do agree that they are gd ones among the MAs.. BUT HOW MANY..?!?! the farkin 2 assholes in my dept are being paid at least 10% more than me.. got more leave days then me.. BUT so wad? the quality of work produced or the character of them not delivering as gd results as me.. not even working as hard as me.. SO why are they being compensated more than me??!! does tat means that you have to be a MA in order to advance in Bank??!!

i've been thinking of quitting.. but how to survive like tat..?? i'm not born with a silver spoon neither do i have fantastic work experience or academic results.. not cheap enuff to apply as fresh graduates doing totally different role as of now.. and yet, not experience enough to apply for the same role with other banks.. does tat means i'm stuck??!! how to make myself valuable?? maybe i should just whack, farkin borrow a huge sum of loan from bank and whack a Master back! if not, determine to whack on the FRM certification. With tat passed, i can then move onto the Risk role even without any risk experience or background.. but what if i dont pass the FRM?? jitao suck thumb liao loh.. haiz.. both ways also risky.. i srsly dont know wad to do..

i really shouldnt put too much hope on this yr bonus.. might be sufficient to just clear off credit card bills.. tats all.. (T-T)