dilemma.. stop at the same spot or move forward.. the uncertainties ahead are scaring the shit out of me~ i rly need to clear my mind.. im nt good at making decision.. im a bad decision maker..

stomach cramp like hell the whole day.. i wonder rly when all these mthly pain will stop.. i been relying on the pills so much tat now, i am taking the max dosage and yet, still bearing with the pain.. sooner, i guess i will have to start exploring on a strong med. TaTs the disadvantage of being a gal~

mood wasnt as gd as it should be today.. had a strong argument with LL as she insisted that all new accounts or names hunted have to go through her for allocation instead of taking it myself.. if not, i have to report to her how i got these new hunts and also wads the potential deals.. i dun rly understand why she wants things to be done this way..?? logic, rationale?? she has alr choosen all the top revenues generating names from the portfolio list and also all the insurance names thinking that ALM is the focus initiative this year. But now, she will even takes on private equity names which was supposed to be under my care.. and now, even Mohit introduce those india family office.. i understand how she feels if my portfolio revs grow quickly by hunting all these new names whereas she hasnt been able to grow much in her existing port.. but, i dun understand why she thinks she can have her feet stamped on everything.. cos she thinks she head up the portfolio team? i will rather tok to boss to put me out in some shit hole and work myself.. i dun mind.. even tim doesnt understand her logic.. and i alr forgave her for wad she did on the Axiom case, but dun expect tat kind of forgiveness from me again and again.. thrs always a limit to my tolerance and kindness..

aniwae, i think all these are shits.. nothing will change regardless of how much i kp abt.. i should just STFU and get on with life..

Tim asked "if i ever will regret choosing to stay and nt move in future..?" a question which i couldnt ans straight.. well, i hate things are in the dept now but doesnt means things will be btr in HK.. so idk..

too much things to bother with and i dun wanna think.. jus focus on the upcoming Offsite and drink till.. too bad, i cant hit the pool, cant hit the spa.. fark!! i jus gonna lie ard a farkin bench beside the pool and watch the rest play!! damn sick~ =(